


The Apology

by Rand0mFand0m



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23001562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rand0mFand0m/pseuds/Rand0mFand0m
Summary: Patton has something that he has to do. Meanwhile, Remus just wants to relax for a bit. Rated teen and up for strong language and Remus being the slimy boy he is.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	The Apology

**Author's Note:**

> All credit for the creation of Sander Sides goes to Thomas Sanders. I do not own them, obviously, and just wanted to see if I could write fluff with Remus in it. I want to thank Thomas Sanders for his creativity to create something so amazing that has inspired me and so many others to extend upon it.  
> Also, this is not a ship between Patton and Remus. However, if you wish to see it as such, I won't and can't stop you.  
> Enjoy!

He couldn’t believe he was doing this. Actually he could. As Thomas’s heart he was, as Logan put it, “extremely vulnerable to episodes of durastic emotional weakness.” He only kind of understood what he meant; he cared, too much in some cases. Patton couldn’t deny that he was naive and foolish, but right now he felt compelled to do this.  
His heart was pounding, the pulse flowing through him making him shake. He didn’t know if it was out of fear or excitement, but he did know that it pulled him forward. As he looked up at the door he felt a beat skip. That was definitely fear. It was bad enough that he was in the realm of the dark sides, but in front of this door? This was crossing a line that he and the others drew a long time ago. The door before him was as intricate as Roman’s, just more disgusting. It was black, covered in grime, mold, and… blood? The entire door seemed to be moving; a mix between inky tentacles slithered in the wood and the door creaked in and out as if it were breathing. A single green eyeball was placed exactly where the peephole should be, and it glared ominously down at Patton as he cowered before it.  
“Hey there, n-nice door...good b-boy?” Patton stuttered at the monstrosity before him. Remus’s door was no joke. It was awful and exactly the opposite of everything Patton wanted out of a door, but of course that was the point. Remus was an agent of chaos...heck, Patton was convinced he was chaos itself. Another shiver. He definitely shouldn’t be here, but at the same time he needed to be. He needed to go into Remus’ mindscape, no matter the cost. The problem was, he didn’t know how to get in. There wasn’t a doorknob or handle. How was he…  
“O-oh...oh heck no…” he murmured as he reached out. As he feared, when his hand met the door, it passed through with a thick, squishy sound. He immediately pulled his hand out, surprised to find it intact. Nope. That was it, he had to find another way. However, right as he began to ponder how the heck he was going to get through this door in literally any other way possible, the door began to collapse in on itself. Virgil had claimed that Remus’ door moved on its own when Patton asked how to get to him, which had already put Patton behind on his mission since he had to explain what he wanted to do which Virgil highly objected to. Apparently the moving-on-its-own thing was something Remus had done to make his door more “exciting.” Can’t blame him, it was kind of cool. At this moment though, it was definitely not cool. Before the door disappeared completely, Patton closed his eyes, plugged his nose, took a deep breath and jumped into the slimy mass that was Remus’ door.  
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Remus was minding his own damn business. After tormenting Thomas all night he was taking a well deserved break. Roman wasn’t the only one who liked spa days. Listening to relaxing music (freakbeat really took the edge off), taking a bath (no bubbles - that required soap), and just generally avoiding the thought of… those morons. His brother was always a good time; fucking with him always brought a smile to his face. They way he reacted when one of his fucking precious little passion projects was destroyed, or altered to be a little more X-rated, was priceless. Nerdy Wolverine, his polar opposite, was a pain in the ass. Not just because he was Remus’ complete opposite, but because he was unshakable; nothing Remus seemed to do bothered him! His unpredictability and chaotic energy didn’t make a dent in the wall that was Thomas’s logic, and it wasn’t from a lack of trying. He had invaded his mindscape, stolen his glasses, replaced all his books with pornograpy, and had even done some unspeakable things to Logan’s personal supply of Crofter’s. And Logan responded the same way every time; with nothing. The only time he had ever seen that dumb nerd react to anything he had done is when he messed with the others, especially Virgil.  
Remus growled frustratedly and sunk deeper into the questionable bathwater he was in. All those douchebags were so protective of Virgil even when he was trying to protect them, always jumping to his aid despite not understanding the situation. They even traversed realms for him. Blech. He hated that emo sooo much. Virgil had been one of them; a dark side like Deceit and Remus were. Yet he didn’t want to stick around. He wanted to be good... protective... and in pursuit of that Virgin decided that the dark sides weren’t good enough for him. That he wasn’t good enough for him. Nope, trash boy wasn’t a good enough friend to him so he ran off to go spend time with his cool, handsome, much nicer brother and leave Remus alone with only Dee. Remus chuckled. Well, that wasn’t completely true. There was someone else, but Remus didn’t count him; he’d barely been around when the shit hit the fan.  
Remus scoffed and submerged himself completely in the water. Yup, just he and Dee. Alone. Forever…  
Suddenly he bolted up out of the water, flinging the onion rings that he had placed on his eyes halfway across the bathroom. He, like all the other sides, could sense when something out of place entered his domain. It made his spine tingle, head twinge, and often left a bad taste in his mouth. It used to be a normal occurrence for him, when Virgil visited him. But Virgil hadn’t been back, he was never coming back. And this taste was definitely not dark and stormy. It was so bad Remus took a swig from the perfume bottle he was drinking from. Home-baked cookies and sunshine, yuck. Who the hell left a taste of fucking sunshine? More importantly, who was stupid enough to enter his domain? His door was left to move randomly on its own, so there was no way this was an accident. So it would have to take a real big idiot to accidentally stumble in here, and an even bigger one to come in on pur-  
“H-hello? Is anyone here?” Remus’s pupils dilated and his heart stopped. Fucking Christ on a fishstick. He had completely forgotten about Patton. That gullible doof should have been the most fun to mess with out of all the other sides, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Sure, he would threaten Patton and scare him when the rest of the group was around, but alone? It made him feel weird. Dee said it was guilt, but Remus dismissed that with a laugh. He, the chaotic side of imagination and creativity, the bringer of intrusive thoughts, feel guilt? He’d done a lot of things that would make any number of humans feel guilt, especially Thomas, but never once had he regretted nor felt guilt because of any of it. So he should have no problem leaving that dork stranded out in his domain on his own, left to the mercy of the full effect of his realm.  
But even as he thought that, Remus felt that weird feeling; that pang right in the center of his chest. It made his eye twitch. With an exasperated groan, he pulled himself out of the tub and pulled on a tattered, stained robe, not even bothering to dry off. Usually he wouldn’t even bother to dress himself either, but he didn’t want to risk Patton of all people seeing him in his favorite suit. He’d resigned himself to the idea that he should keep an eye on “Fluff-no-stuff” to make sure he didn’t mess anything up by fixing it. Besides, with how the sides’ realms worked, he was intrigued as to how his would directly affect the most innocent of the light sides. Pushing back his hair Remus stormed off into the shadows, promising himself that he wouldn’t directly interact with the light side, no matter what.  
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Patton was lost and scared. After jumping through the door, and miraculously coming out clean on the other side, he had opened his eyes to dark and ominous forest. Black, knotted trees reached far up above him, so far to where there seemed to be no end to their reach. The branches were empty, yet very little light reached the base of the forest where he stood. The ground was mostly barren dirt, except for a few venus-flytrap-looking plants and some weird-looking flowers. Overall, it was terrifying, and as Patton walked along it only got worse. The knots in the trees opened and closed revealing blood-red eyes which watched his every move. The forest grew darker and the roots of the trees caused him to trip up several times. On top of that, the plants reached out to him; clawing desperately or tugging at his shoelaces. Patton had thought this place would mimic his kid Roman’s domain; wide open spaces, magical forests, beautiful creatures, and a grand castle...just all a bit darker. This was nothing like he imagined.  
As he made his way along, for goodness knows how long, he feared he would never find the center of Remus’ home. Each side had one, no matter how big and vast their domain was; Logan’s was a library, Roman’s was a castle, Virgil’s was the smallest as it was just a room, and Patton himself had a cosy house. Each place was tailored to the side’s taste and being, just as the rest of their domains were, but the most important place in each center was “the room.” This room copied Thomas’ room and house, and was the most condensed area of each sides’ being; reflecting their style, taste, who they really were. This is where sides were automatically teleported to when they were with Thomas and wanted to find or explore the side that lived there. So why wasn’t Patton going straight there? It was never guaranteed that the side who lives in the domain will be in that room right away, and that was a risk Patton couldn’t take. Patton remembered, that just as with Virgil’s room, just being in that area will cause that side to come out in whoever is in it. He didn’t know how Remus’s identity could warp him, or even if it could, but going right to the source wouldn’t give him enough time to do what he needed to do. No, it was much better to wander a bit and let the realm infect him slowly; more time meant more of a chance of finding him.  
But the trip was so dreary, so long, so boring. Patton began to hum to himself and skip a bit to make his search less miserable. A smile sprouted on his face as he continued, feeling much better about being in Remus’ realm. Why, I’m just like little red riding hood, off to go visit my family, he thought as he skipped along. Not even a big, bad wolf-  
And then he fell, grabbing a tree to brace himself so he wouldn’t faceplant from the sheer force of the image that came into his head. Little red riding hood...dead...caked in such dark, crimson blood that it was possible to distinguish the color from the normal red of her hood. The big bad wolf, hunched over her body, the sound of bones being splintered accompanied by the slurp of...of…No. Patton breathed and slowly counted. He thought of what he had to do. He was not getting affected so soon. But maybe it wasn’t soon. Who knows how long he had been there. He waited until the shadows stopped spinning around him and settled. He couldn’t turn back now...literally. The door had vanished as soon as he stumbled through it. For now, he had to go on.  
“O-ok. Ok...You’re going to be ok. Just keep swimming, right?” he said aloud to himself. Yet even with his cheeriness and fast recovery, he knew that things were only getting worse as he went on. The shadows seemed to be watching him, following close behind as he pressed onward…  
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Remus had decided that this was not fun. After watching Patton amble around a bit, and resisting the urge to help him when the first episode hit, Remus was tempted to just go back to his castle (which was much better than Roman’s in his opinion) open up another bottle of perfume and summon some Taco Bell. Yet, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the helpless being before him. Normally he would be fine with someone wandering aimlessly in his domain; he found it quite funny that the landscape shifted on its own, mimicking his own unpredictability. In this case however, Dream Daddy™ was getting closer to a mental breakdown with every other step he took, and those were never fun. It could possibly put Thomas out of commission for weeks if his heart suffers something too traumatizing, and you could bet your bottom that Remus had a shitload of things that surpassed traumatizing. Yeah, no one liked mental breakdowns, not even Remus.  
Remus was about to call it quits and summon the way out of his room for pin-prick just so he didn’t have to worry about causing a big enough mess to make Deceit come after him, when things got so much worse. The forest began to change its path before Patton, leading him right to…  
Son of a two-timing tinsel thumper. Remus swore under his breath, his acrylic nails digging into the bark of the tree he was hiding in. It seemed while Remus was against messing with giggle glasses, his domain was all for it. There were many ways for the landscape to scare, spook, disgust, and just generally screw with whoever decided to take a walk along it. Remus honestly found it enchanting, beautiful in an imperfect way, but it was not for the faint of heart. For example, with the current path Patton was walking, he was about to walk into an area with a lovely pink pond. It was quite lovely, and not just in a Remus way. It was a weird, murky pepto bismol-pink with little horned toads swimming about…  
That just so happened to make people honry. Because. Why not.  
Remus definitely needed to get that dingus away from there, and fast. Without much thought, he summoned the exit door and caused it to fall right in front of Patton. This caused the poor bastard to yelp and fall back right on his ass. Patton stared up at the door with his mouth agape in shock. Remus thought that with everything that has happened to him thus far, the little gay pussy-lover would run right through the door; problem solved. Good. He could get back to being alone, happily alone. He brushed off his hands and turned to go when he heard it.  
“Remus?”  
He bristled. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Remus pressed his back into the tree he was in, not bothering to turn to look at Patton.  
“Remus, I know you’re there!”  
He looked now. Patton might know he was there now, but he didn’t have a clue exactly where he was. He looked around at the trees up in the branches, missing Remus completely. Then he looked behind the door. Unsatisfied, Patton turned back toward the clearing, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted.  
“REEEEEMUSSSSS! WHERE ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU’RE HERE!”  
Remus kept his trash-trap shut. No way was he going to let him know he was here, better for him to think the door manifested on its own. He’d give up soon enough. No one was dumb enough to keep going. No one. Well, except Patton who huffed and walked around the door towards that ill swamp. Remus swore again and commanded the door to move to block that little insistent shit’s way again. Again he swerved around the door and continued walking. What the fuck-a-duck was with this guy? He should want to leave, yet he was being so insistent. Remus was getting impatient, forcing the door to move to block Patton’s way again and shifting it to make sure it always remained in front of him. It appeared as if Patton was getting just as impatient; stomping around and trying to move fast enough to get around the door. Finally, fell on his knees, his head cast downward towards the ground. Remus had never seen anything so sad and pathetic. Well, except for that time he stole all of Roman’s beauty products and flushed them down a toilet. After taking a dump on them.  
Patton stayed that way for a while; quite, downcast, and unmoving. Remus felt like an even bigger asshat than usual, and not in a good way. He had no idea what to do. Then, Patton finally spoke.  
“Remus, I know you’re here.”  
Remus’s heart and breathing stopped.  
“And I know you don’t want me to be here, but I need to be here. There’s something I have to say to you, and I don’t want to leave until I’ve said it. So, here it goes.” Patton cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”  
Wait...what the fu-  
“And I want to tell you why and explain and… oh kid, I’m not good at this and I think we should talk face to face. But, you don’t want that. I know, confrontation is scary. Heck, I’ve been here all day and this is the scariest thing so far. But please let me talk to you, not for long! I promise, cross my heart and hope for pie stick a cupcake in my eye? No, you don’t like that stuff uhh… cross my heart and hope to, to… just please? I’ll wait for a bit longer but if it makes you uncomfortable, well, I don’t want to make you upset kid.”  
Remus didn’t know what to think, which was normal; he usually didn’t think and just did stuff. But now, right now he just wanted to know why. Why sorry? His head felt like it was going to combust, his heart pounded in his throat. He gripped the tree harder, trying to ground himself to keep from spinning away. He had to know.  
Defeated Patton picked himself off the ground. “Ok buddy, I’ll see you around sometime yeah? Maybe when you go to steal all of Roman’s left socks again. That was… pretty funny.” He began to walk towards the door. It was then the trajectory of Remus’s mind spinning sent him reeling from the tree towards the ground. With a heavy thud, and a less then superhero landing, Remus yeeted face-first into the ground. That felt good...what no, focus dipshit. He lifted his head and found he was staring at a very concerned looking Patton.  
He was dressed in his normal attire (he was so stupuid to enter his domain without any sort of protection), yet looked completely different. All the sides looked a bit more unique in the mindscape as it reflected their own individuality within Thomas. It was only in the mind palace or wherever Thomas was that the sides actually looked like variations of Thomas. Outside of that when Thomas wasn’t thinking of them the sides were concepts, abstracts and parts of his being, that were more shapeless and moldable. Some of the sides used that to their advantage to appear a certain way in front of the others; Patton was one such side. Instead of Thomas in glasses, Remus saw a slightly tanner, shorter dad-bodied man. He had baby-blues which seemed to look big and innocent through the frames of his glasses. There was a light dusting of freckles on his face that traveled from one rosey, dimpled check to the other. A mess of tangled, dark-blond curls that delicately brushed his eyebrows topped off the light side before him. Remus had never seen Patton up close like this before, and now completely understood why even Logan had called Patton adorable. Patton was... surprising.  
It was not this that surprised Remus though. What surprised him was that underneath Sunshine’s exterior, he seemed to radiate a level of...wisdom. Understanding. Something much older and deeper that went beyond puppies and playtime. Something warm and inviting that made Remus feel...squishy. Well, not exactly squishy, but Remus didn’t know what this was; he had never felt this before. Maybe a bit when he had Virgil around, but that was less of this and more of a quiet, understanding. This was new.  
He was aware now that Patton was waiting for him to say something, anything, to indicate that he was fine. So he looked right into his eyes and said the only reasonable thing to say into that moment.  
“I’m not a kid dipshit.”  
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Patton was taken aback for a moment. It took him a second to process what Remus had said, and when he finally did he couldn’t hold it back. He laughed. He threw his head back and laughed at the absurdity and abruptness of Remus’s comment. It was an honestly weird mix of a giggle and a laugh that exhaled so much air through his gapped teeth that there was a slight whistle to it. Patton would usually cover his mouth or change it to a more moderate giggle but he couldn’t contain himself.  
Remus flushed before him, most definitely embarrassed. He quickly picked himself up. “Well fine asshole, if you’re just going to laugh at how I look then I’m just going to go.” He turned and began storming off. Shoot.  
“Kid no, wait.” Patton grabbed Remus’s arm, a sense of urgency in his voice. “Is that what you think? That isn’t it at all I promise! I wasn’t laughing at how you looked! You look good!” Which was true, surprisingly so to Patton. He wasn’t wearing much, just a tattered, green robe, but it looked comfortable and warm and Patton could appreciate that. Remus was taller than him, like almost a full head taller. He was paler and seemed to have no marks on him whatsoever, even after falling out of a tree. His dark, black hair was pushed back and the grey streak in it brought out the hidden green highlights throughout the rest of his head. His moustache was coiffed into two perfect handlebars above his black-tinted lips. His ears were each pierced cleanly with glittering green diamonds. Patton was drawn to Remus’s eyes though. The harlequin-green irises must have usually been highlighted by some deep shadow he had worn in front of the rest of the group, making them look truly toxic. But right now, the lack of makeup and the dilated look of shock within them brought them out quite nicely. Whether the look was from Patton saying he looked good or from him physically touching him, Patton didn’t know nor care. He was just grateful right now that Remus had stopped moving and listened to him.  
Speaking of grabbing him, Patton realized something that was much more surprising than the rest of his appearance. He brought Remus’s hand close to his face and pushed his glasses up off the edge of his button nose.  
“Remus,” he began, “are those?”  
“Acrylics? Yes, yes they are,” Remus finished. Patton marveled at the set of plack and green acrylic nails before him.  
“Wow. They’re so cool! All of you looks so cool. I’m kinda…” Patton trailed off.  
“Kinda what?” Remus said and Patton noted the hint of fear in his voice.  
“Confused. I thought your whole thing was to look... awful.”  
Patton was surprised that Remus didn’t get upset at him for saying that and looked somewhat relieved. He quickly hid it and put a sassy grin on his face.  
“Me? Awful? Bitch please. I’m too fabulous to ever look terrible; that’s what my behavior is for. My goal has always been, and always will be, to look like trash,” he finished with a grin.  
Patton laughed. “Well, you might have to try harder since you don’t look like either.” That brought a warm smile and light flush to the dark side’s face.  
“Alright, stop with the flattery. You wanted to, what was it again? Apologize? Yeah, can you do that so I can get back to what I was doing and get you out of here?”  
Patton’s smile dropped in time with Remus’ hand.  
“Oh. Right. Well I just… wanted to say… I’m sorry.”  
“Yeah, I know,” Remus rolled his eyes, “for what exactly?”  
“Well, you know…”  
“I don’t think I do Scatter-brained. Think you could tell me,” Remus said leaning forward.  
“Ahhhh...Represion!” Patton said quickly squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m sorry for helping Thomas repress you and making things go worse and that's why you got upset and you attacked Roman and Logan and it's not fair to you because you are just different and that's not bad but you keep acting up and-”  
“Woah woah woah, slow down before you bust a nut. Start again slowly, you’re going too fast for me to understand.”  
Patton noded. He was so worried about saying something wrong that the floodgates just opened up and he couldn’t stop from going too quickly. Patton grounded himself and looked at Remus right in the eyes.  
“I said I’m sorry for making Thomas repress you. I didn’t know what that was, repression anyway, and I was just trying to help Thomas. I got completely lost in my job and it’s not fair to you.”  
“Is that it?” Remus said casually, checking for cracks and chips in his acrylics.  
“No, that’s not it. I’m sorry that I came into your domain because I felt like I had to do this… to make myself feel better. It’s really selfish and really mean. And I don’t like being a meanie.”  
Remus looked taken aback. “Can’t believe you actually admitted that this was for yourself.”  
“Well yeah, at first anyway. I mean, I knew I felt bad for how we treated you and I had to say something, but I knew it was to get that icky feeling out of my stomach. Then when I came here I was scared of you, and what you could do. What you could do to me, and yet… you stayed away. You didn’t actively look for me and make my life miserable. I felt like something or someone was watching me, but I thought it couldn’t be you. It had to be the trees or something else because you didn’t care that I was here. But nothing happened to me; no attacks, no retaliation, nothing. Well, except for a few visions. And then the door appeared.” Remus looked panicked now, which made Patton feel sad but he had to keep going.  
“There’s something bad up ahead, isn’t there? Something you didn’t mean to do or had no control over and you wanted me to get out before it did something. I think I understand now. You say there is no reason to why you do things, but when Thomas has some of his darkest intrusive thoughts it's because he’s alone literally or figuratively. He has them because he feels like you do all the time. Bored. Upset. Alone. And that’s because of me and the others. We...we pushed you back because we don’t understand you. Because some of us were scared, uncaring, ignorant, repulsed or all of the above. We stifled a part of Thomas, but more importantly we repressed and pushed away everything you did or said. And then you retaliated against us. Acted up. Did all the stuff you’ve done because you just wanted to be entertained and play. So, I’m sorry that we pushed you down and away. We should have known better, but we only thought about Thomas and ignored the fact that you are a part of us. A part of Thomas. And we love Thomas.” Patton glanced down at his feet.  
“And like I said, you’re not terrible,” Patton whispered, “and neither is your creativity. It’s just different. I’ve seen it all while I’m here.” And it was true, Patton was seeing everything with fresh eyes. The trees wove together like a canvas at the roots and branches, the light falling through the boughs in different shades of green to land on he and Remus as they talked. The tree trunks in all their high-reaching glory appeared as statuesque columns with thousands of single-eye spectators looking onward. The Venus flytraps had a rhythm to their movement, and the flowers shone through their dark colors. In the mosaic of greens and dark colors, Patton saw the forest for what it was; a ballroom. He’d been in the castle all along. And it was beautiful.  
“Everything here is so different and strange, but it’s wonderful in its own way. Virgil had said it was different, and I bet Deceit likes it here too. So again I’m sor-“  
“You’re wrong,” Remus said in a strangled voice.  
Patton looked up. Oh no. Remus was crying, dark tears running down his face. Patton had forked up. “Hey bud it’s ok, I know I’m not wrong though. Everything’s going to be ok. I’m sorry let’s-“  
“YOU’RE WRONG,” Remus yelled. Before Patton could do anything, tentacles shot out of Remus and slammed him through the trees past the door and into a pink pond. Patton landed with a large splash and was completely submerged within less than a second. He felt his eyes grow heavy as he sank lower and lower, and an unusual feeling settling inside him as the liquid seeped into his lungs. Through the murkiness and his drooping eyes, Patton saw Remus swimming towards him; arms outstretched, fear echoing off his face. He really does care, Patton thought as his vision went dark, such a good boy.  
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Remus was shocked and touched by Patton’s words. True, he didn’t believe all of them fully because they just couldn’t be true, but Patton was a sweetheart. It seemed as if someone finally saw things from his perspective. Things were ok; better than ok. That is until he mentioned Virgil and Deceit, then Remus snapped and, along with his fucking mind, lost control over everything. And then everything went to hell.  
He hadn’t meant to send Patton flying; he just wanted him out. He had aimed him at the door but in his fury he missed, sending Patton into the metaphorical punch bowl. Remus emedatly tried to undo his fuck-up by diving in after him. Hang on, I’ve got you, he thought as he finally reached Patton and with one arm got him to the surface and dragged him out of the pond. Scooping him up in his arms, Remus ran out of the ballroom and down the many corridors. He didn’t need to worry about him drowning from the liquid in his lungs, none of them could die by conventional means. What he had to quickly do was reverse the effects of the punchbowl, or Patton was going to be seriously spiked.  
Remus finally made it to the kitchen, which was right next to his room because he was a lazy garbage boy. As he swiped all the trash off the counter and lay Patton down there, he considered if he should make a memory potion as well. But as he looked down at the helpless man’s flushed body, he decided against it. He would just come back and do everything all over again, because again, Patton was a sweetheart. Remus grabbed everything he needed from the cabinets and the garbage can and set himself to work. He had to finish before Patton woke up.  
No such luck. Patton woke up as he was mixing snips and snails and puppy-dog tails into the boiling-pot he had set up. “Oh heyyyy Remus,” patton said in a very not Patton-like tone.  
Shit fuck not yet so close.  
“Where are we? We were in such a nice place before Ree. I liked the ballroom.”  
Wait, Patton had realized what the forest was? Maybe he did understand. Remus shook his head, he didn’t have time right now; he had to revert Patton to himself before things got-  
“You making me something baby boy? Daddy likes presents.”  
-worse. Fuck. He had to distract him. Just shut him up long enough to get this potion in him.  
“Uh yes! Yes. I was sorry for what I did and I thought I would make you something warm to drink after being drenched. It’s almost done so if you just wait-”  
“You know, you could warm me up a different way.” Remus heard Patton slip off the counter.  
Nope nope nope nope nope nope. Don’t look you’ll do something you regret.  
He felt Patton's arms go around him from behind and circle around his waist, trapping him.  
“Come on, I love cuddles. Please dearest Ree?”  
As soon as Patton finished saying that in his sickeningly silky tone, the potion turned blue. Oh thank fucking God, Remus thought. The brew was done. He quickly unclasped Patton’s hands, still not looking at him, and shoved him into the counter.  
“Oh Ree, I didn’t-”  
In the most extra fencing lunge anyone had seen in their life, Remus, with his eyes screwed shut, took the spoon from the pot and forced it into Patton’s mouth. He waited until he heard a swallow and peeked through one eye. It was a fucking releif that this acted so quickly. The sultry look Patton had was quickly wiped from his face, replaced with one of complete mortification.  
“Oh my... Remus I don’t know what happened there. That wasn’t me and I didn’t mean to make you so-”  
Remus shut him up with a hug. He could hardly believe he was doing it but it was part selflessness and part selfishness acting up in him.  
“Just shut up Prick. I’m fucking sorry. You only meant to help and I literally pushed you away.” And the tears were back. Great. “I’m so, so fucking sorry. You’re too kind and sweet, and you’re the only one who has ever seen the ballroom for what it is. So, you’re kind of the only one who's ever gotten close to understanding me. God I’m such a huge dick.”  
Patton hugged him back. “Kiddo, you’re just hurt. It’s ok’ let it out.”  
Remus clutched desperately to Patton. “No, I am. I’m a monster. No one wants to be near me. I’m such a freak and a mess that I couldn’t even look at you when you were in the state you were in because I might have done something to you.”  
“Well… I don’t believe that.”  
Remus looked down at Patton in shock. “Come on, you’re not that stupid. I’m-”  
“Kid, you may do a lot of things that I don’t understand and inspire a lot of thoughts in Thomas that are just wrong. But I don’t think you are capable of hurting me that way. You’re more chaotic than that.”  
Patton did have a point. Remus was pretty chaotic, but he still thought that he was capable of things just as monstrous as being a freak with the man who saw himself as a father to him.  
“Remus, buddy, are you ok?” Patton asked quietly.  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Want to talk about it?”  
Remus sighed. That dork had been right; confrontation was scary, but necessary. If not for himself, than for Thomas.  
“Yes. Yes I do.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Patton was having a hard time keeping it together, but he was used to it. It was his job as Thomas’ heart to stay happy and positive; on top of that, he had taken upon himself to be the “dad” or the group and to make sure Roman and Virgil were emotionally ok. It was super bad for Thomas when his anxiety acted up or his creativity suffered. He also did the same for Logan, but less-so since he had less of a grip on feelings than the others. So displaying negative emotions was a strict no-no for him in the household. But it was hard balancing the emotional burden of primarily four people that culminated into one gigantic person with their own set of problems. It was like those stacky dolls, from Russia. Nesting Dolls, he suddenly remembered, Logan had said that’s what they’re called. Patton felt like the littlest one, and everyone regarded him as such, but the littlest one had the toughest job of being the final piece. It may seem pathetic, but without that little, final doll, all the dolls would have no point; they’d just be empty, meaningless containers. His situation felt worse though, like all the dolls were squeezing and crushing him each with their own strength until he crumbled. But as usual, he would persist.  
Like, with Remus right now. They were in what appeared to be in a kitchen, and besides the mess, trash, and bugs, Patton suspected that it may be the most normal of all the rooms in Remus’ palace since he insisted they stay there. What had transpired previously Patton wanted to forget; it was very unlike him and very jarring. He wanted nothing more to go home and eat some cookies, but Remus needed him right now, just as his other kids had. And he was being unusually accommodating now. Patton had suspected that this was because he felt bad about what happened and he seemed ready to talk now.  
After politely declining the perfume that was offered to him and opting for some green milk (it was actually good, thank goodness) Patton began to do his job.  
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, why do think you’re a… monster?”  
Remus shrugged and took a swig from his glass. “Everyone says I am. No one talks to me about anything other than that. I mean, Virgil and I had once talked about how we both were monsters but… well, this has been a one-man shit-show for a while now.”  
“But just because everyone says you are doesn’t mean it’s true!”  
“Does that matter?” Roman asked Patton while peering into his drink. “Does it really matter what the truth is as long as everyone else believes it? At this point, I’m resigned to this Papa-Pizzeria. I’m not going to stop what I enjoy doing and no one’s going to see me as anything different because of that. Chaos doesn’t get a cheat day. This clock don’t stop ticking; it’s just broken.”  
“But...everyone? Even Deceit?”  
“Oh come on Cookies-n-cream. I’m not that stupid an neither are you. Deceit has his own thing going; he just does whatever he can to try to run this place because he thinks he knows what’s best for Thomas. I know he’s just using me. He told me to hide away as well, and I did so because he was right. I’m too scary for Thomas.”  
“But he told you to reveal yourself.”  
“Yeah, after he was losing. As soon as you guys triumphed over him with your silly little compromise that put Thomas’ future in danger he called out to me to punish you all. To show Thomas the true expanse of his horrid imagination; the ‘ugliness within.’ He hoped Thomas would come running back to him to hide me since full-frontal honesty with who he was wasn’t working. That still hasn’t happened… yet.”  
“Surely that’s not all though. I mean, you listen to him. Doesn’t that mean-”  
“No,” Remus interjected, “I don’t care for him and he doesn't care for me. He doesn’t visit and I probably wouldn’t talk to him if he did. I’m just his faithful bitch that will come running when he needs me because I know that no one else is going to talk to me. He’s the only one who will consider it, even if it’s just for business.” Remus took another swig of his perfume.  
“Oh kid,” Patton said, looking at Remus with watery but concerned eyes, “we didn’t know.”  
“It’s not that you didn’t know; it’s that you didn’t notice. And I guess it can’t fully be your fault since no one was around to see it. Well, except Virgil for a while.”  
“What happened with him? Why doesn’t he come around anymore?”  
But Patton knew the answer to that question. He hated how he already knew and it made his heart drop.  
“You did. All of you. Once Virgy got a taste of goodness, that was all he could talk about. At first it was only about how he enjoyed tormenting you guys, but over time it evolved. Suddenly, Logan was cool for knowing dark history facts. Roman was less of an annoying jerk and came up with the best witty nick-names for him. Thomas actually talked to him nicely. And you made him a card, the faILY one?” Patton avoided Remus’s gaze at that one. “After that he only came back one more time; had the decency to say goodbye before leaving his room on this side and moving in with you all. Didn’t hurt any less though. He chose you, Logan, and my own brother over me.”  
Patton gulped. “Remus-”  
“Why did you have to? You already had each other. He was the only one I had! The only person who understood me. We would talk about tormenting Thomas and you all, feeling insecure and unwanted by anyone else in the world. And then you all act so-so nice to him to where he realizes he doesn’t have to be bad and has self-worth. He left me because he finally cared about himself and for other people. I just wasn’t one of those people.”  
Patton felt like he was drowning again, but as much as he knew it hurt it definitely hurt Remus ten times, no, a hundred times more. And he just couldn’t live with that.  
“Remus. He left because he couldn’t stay anymore.”  
“Oh really, how’s that?”  
“He knew that Deceit had a plan, and while he didn’t know that plan he knew he had to leave as soon as he started caring because he had to protect Thomas from the others that would try to enact that plan.”  
“Like me.”  
“Well, yes. You are helping Deceit. But you don’t have to. If you didn’t Virgil might talk to you again. I’m sure he’s missing his horror buddy.”  
Remus turned hopefully to Patton. “Did he say that?”  
“Not exactly. I just guessed-”  
“Well,” Remus said dejected, “that was a pretty good guess. But I think he’ll manage. Besides, I don’t want to do good.”  
Patton choked on his milk.  
“What? Why?”  
“Good is… you. Like puppies and kittens and cookies. Want some by the way? I have Crush-flavored Oreos.”  
“...No thanks.”  
“Suit yourself. As I was saying, I’m the opposite of that. I’m zombies and dismemberment and trashy reality tv shows. And I like it. I don’t want to stop being me, and I know that’s selfish but I can’t help it. There’s just some things I can’t live without. Even if it means I am alone forever, well,” Remus forced a smile that had a hint of genuness to it, “at least I’m doing it being the trashiest and most authentic me I can be. You understand, right?”  
Patton had to admire that. Remus was a being of chaos but not destruction. He cared about Thomas enough to be honest with him, he didn’t tear himself apart when everyone shunned him, and he stayed more honest and true to himself than even Patton had ever been. As opposed to that, Patton had lied to Thomas, tore others down to feel comfortable in the nostalgia land when he cracked, and figuratively hides himself away when the demands of Thomas and the others require it. Patton may not be happy with himself right now, but Remus was right. At the end of the day, he was and still wanted to be Patton; lovable dork who was too obsessed with cuteness for his own good.  
So, why couldn’t Remus be Remus?  
“Good is… being helpful where you can be. Doing the right thing. Sacrificing and compromising where you can without compromising yourself. I work my booty off to make sure Thomas is happy, but I do it in my own way that is sometimes good sometimes bad. I do what I can and when I can’t I take my space. It takes help sometimes, but that’s why me and the others have each other; none of us are Thomas individually. Only when we come together do we form Thomas. Alone we aren’t good, we all have problems and things we need to work through. But together? We’re the light sides, and we do good for Thomas and for each other,” Patton said defiantly. “You wouldn’t need to compromise who you are Remus to be one of us. Besides, that’s not what I came here for.”  
“I know,” Remus said, “you came here to apologize and I think you’ve done it by now. We’re good so I won’t keep you-”  
“I’m not done. After today I don’t think that’s enough.” Patton got up from his chair and walked over to where Remus was sitting across the counter. “I want to invite you to movie night, we’re going to be watching Frozen and wearing onesies. Ah, no interrupting. This is an activity solely to distract Thomas because he’s not doing well. I’m not trying to recruit you or make you good. I just think, maybe a bit of chaotic energy would distract him from how he’s doing. Now it’s very late I’m guessing, and I should be snuggled in an oversized blanket fort by now.”  
“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?” Remus asked, slightly grumpy.  
“Well, do you have anything to say? Do you feel better? Do you want to think it over?”  
“Well...I am doing better Pooch-smoocher. But I don’t see how movie night is going to help.”  
Patton grabbed Remus’ hand. “I thought my worst mistake was letting Virgil feel outcasted and unloved, but I was wrong. I was making you both feel useless, unworthy, and alone. To top that off it made Thomas feel like he was a freak because you existed, and that’s not fair to either of you. I don’t want you to be alone. No one should have to feel like that, ever, and if it takes the rest of Thomas’ life for me to make it up to you,” Patton’s blue eyes burned with devotion, “well heck kiddo I’m going to make sure that me and the others do so. We’re going to love you and your slimeiness to bits.”  
Remus was silent for a second, long enough for Patton to worry as if he had said something wrong. Then slowly, Remus flashed a razor-sharp grin.  
“Ok. I’m not going to promise movie night, but I’ll be here if you ever wanna hang.”  
Patton beamed back. “That’s the best I could hope for.” He began to walk away before Remus stopped him.  
“Hey, Patty-wack, you need to leave through the door.”  
“Oh shoot. I knew I was forgetting something. Can you summon-”  
“Yup, right here,” Remus said the door popping into existence.  
“Oh ok.”  
Patton walked towards the door, kind of upset. It was so funny, at first he never wanted to enter here. But now... he didn’t want to leave just yet. But he’d stayed long enough and it was time to go. He put one foot through the door.  
“Wait, Patton!” Remus called out to him.  
“Yes?” Patton whirled around quickly, a smile plastered on his face.  
“Thanks… dad.”  
Patton’s smile settled and sagged. “No problem kiddo.”  
Still smiling, he skipped through the doorway.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
He couldn’t believe he was doing this. Fuck it, he could. After everything that happened, he knew this was something he both wanted and had to do. Didn’t mean he wasn’t scared though. As he adjusted his undies, he couldn’t help wondering why he felt so compelled to do this. That squishy feeling had settled into himself, a permanent fixture he presumed. He liked it now, liked to think it was something good in him. He reminded himself that he was doing this for Thomas, because he did care for him. But he knew that this was also for himself.  
Well, himself and one other person.  
As Remus opened the door to the mind palace that fused with the real world when Thomas wanted to interact with his sides, he saw everyone noisily getting ready and settling in to watch a movie. As he stepped in, the room became quiet. There were some looks of disgust, confusion, but the one that stood out was the smile under the cat onesie. And that made things fully worth it.  
“What are you doing here Remus?” questioned Logan.  
“Why aren’t you wearing a onesie?” asked Thomas.  
“Who invited him? Roman questioned the group.  
Virgil remained quiet, as did Patton, but there was a spark of hope on both of their faces.  
Remus took a deep breath. “I’m here for movie night, these boxers are the closest thing to even pajamas that I have, and someone with truly a kind heart.”  
That seemed to get everyone to shut up.  
“Now,” Remus flashed a cheeky grin, “are we just going to sit around here or are we going to get this pity-party started?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to here, thank you for reading all of my first fic. This was fun to write and I'm considering doing more in the future. If you liked it, let me know and maybe I will continue writing. I hope you enjoyed!


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